I wonder over the years how many words of advice have been written about the topic of marriage. We don't all fall in love, get married and live happily ever after. In fact, in the USA, about 50% of marriages fail. This is so sad, even sadder when the marriage has produced children, as the majority have. A child's security blanket is ripped from them when this happens. Mom and dad are their security - they aren't as concerned about anything else in their lives as much as knowing their parents love one another and will love and protect them; you are their prime security. Therefore, it is important to nourish your marriage.
This is an interesting thought. . .what if God meant marriage to make you holy, rather than happy? Knowing what a challenge it would be, what if God chose marriage as a means to draw you closer to Him? Consistently loving our mate requires a touch of the Holy Spirit and God's hand on us showing the 'how' of it. Keep in mind that when the Bible exhorts us to do something the Lord is with us. It doesn't feel like it sometimes, but He never leaves on on our own.
Soon it will be Valentines Day and we will be inundated by thoughts of love. It's not true of all cultures, some have arranged marriages, but most of us marry because of love. How does the Bible define love?
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails." I Corinthians 13: 4 -8
This passage of Scripture isn't just referring to married love, but all love. You can see how impossible the standard of God is when we attempt to perform without His help and guidance. Who can consistently behave in this Godly way of loving? No one!
I am specifically writing about married love so we need to take a look about how God has laid that out for our edification. We have certain expectations when we marry. We are often disappointed. That person we married isn't who we thought he/she would be. We find that we don't always agree on important issues, we must compromise so we'll be both be satisfied. The problem is, neither of you are completely satisfied - one or the other feels they are giving the most; your love affair begins to unravel.
God caused Adam to "fall asleep" then took one of his ribs and made a women for him. God called this woman a "suitable helper" for Adam and said they would become "one flesh". Genesis 2: 20-24. Married couples don't often feel like one flesh. And so it was with the first man and woman, trouble was on the horizon.
Many women, Christian or not, don't like the idea of 'submitting' to their husbands. After all, we are equals! I believe the Scripture paints a picture of equality. We need to remember that Jesus is portrayed as the 'Bridegroom', and we, the believers, as the 'Bride'.
I find this to be an interesting analogy, don't you? The Bridegroom, the one who loves us, protects us, shelters us, and provides for us, is the head of the family and takes responsibility for his bride. Think about that, then picture a bride, dependent on the one who loves, protects, shelters and takes responsibility for her. . .and would give his life for her.
Ephesians 5: 22-23 describes a marital relationship as well as the relationship between Christ and the Church (body of believers). We believers are to submit to Christ, and we wives are told to submit to our husbands. Impossible we women say! But look at what the Lord tells the husband, "love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy. . .(set apart - special). This passage goes on to say, "He who loves his wife loves himself." I'm sure this is a new thought for many, probably most, men.
Now ladies, I've got to ask...if your husband loved you as much as Christ loved the believers and died for them...wouldn't it be easy to submit? Yes, I think so. Husbands are told to love their wives, and wives are told to respect their husbands. When a man senses respect from his wife he steps up and performs like a man. When a wife experiences this kind of 'godly' love, the natural result is a deep respect for her man. Wouldn't you call this equality?
You give love, you get respect. You respect, you get love. If one or the other fails, a breakdown of the relationship is sure to come.
A person who is happy within themselves, and not dependent on another human or 'things' for their happiness, will most likely have a content happy marriage. When a couple look for the other person to provide what they need, they probably will be disappointed. We can't change anyone else (only ourselves) - their habits, personality or inability to give and receive love, but with God's help you can change how you deal with what disturbs your peace and robs you of being 'happy'.
The Apostle Paul wrote extensively to the Corinthians about marriage. They were a group of new believers who had questions..."now that we accepted Christ as our Savior, how should we live?" They were asking for some guidelines to live by. In I Corinthians 7, in the midst of the instructions and suggestions Paul reminds them, "God has called us to live in peace." Where does peace come from? Ephesians 2:14 tells us that that Jesus is our peace. It won't come from the perfect marriage, wonderful children, a great job, money or possessions - peace comes from God alone. Paul takes note that "those who marry will face many troubles in this life." Many have seen this to be true! Paul is simply giving some advice based on his observations - this isn't doctrine.
So, what is the answer? We can see that God all through history has allowed divorce. Therefore, it must be a part of his plan since no man can thwart His will...Daniel 4:35. He also plans for us to be made whole only through Him...Philippians 4:19, "God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus." It is God, not our mate who will meet our needs. Let me say it another way, "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want." Psalm 23.
Thank you Lord that you alone are our peace and will meet our needs. Help us to understand there is a difference from a 'need' and a 'want'. Apply your truth to our lives daily.
